New and Improved

Marketing; the art of creating a need where none existed before.  Listerine did it with halitosis in the early part of the 20th century.  There has always been malodorous breath but Listerine elevated halitosis to affliction status.  Listerine had already been around for years as a bacteria killing mouth wash but it suffered from lackluster sales.  Then a stroke of marketing genius instilled in the public a sense of fear about ones breath during close social interactions.  Listerine soon became a necessity for anyone engaged in the social arts and that would be everyone.

I like to think I am immune from such marketing ploys.  I am not.  In fact, as soon as I am in the vicinity of any sales pitch, a giant red LED sign reading "GULLIBLE" starts flashing on my forehead.  Like when I am standing in front of a shaving cream end cap display with the words "New smoother shave";  A little voice in my head tells me that yes, my skin has been a bit irritated lately. Or I may be at my favorite camping store and the tag on a new Goretex jacket reads "Keeps you more comfortably dry in any weather with ventilating pit zips that keep you cooler", and I think "how in the world did I ever hike without pit zips?  I might have died from heat exhaustion".

In truth, 95% of new and improved products perform exactly the same.  McDonalds now even has a commercial  which touts their "handcrafted burgers".  I am not making this up.  A fast food restaurant with prefabricated comestibles made in a chemistry lab actually claiming this about their burgers.  I guess since a sixteen year old high school kid, and not a robotic arm, assembles the components one can't argue with their choice of adjectives.

Companies must constantly reinvent their products to keep their appeal level high to a more and more attention deficit disordered society.  In a society where a cell phone becomes obsolete before you can text "check out my new phone" competition can be fierce.  So I must give kudos to a company that has been around since FDR declared December 7 a day of infamy, Old Spice deodorant.  I don't even know how it held on this long since most of its loyal fan base might actually have arrived in America on the clipper ship pictured in its logo.  But the other day as I was making my way past the "Hiya Doc" at my local WalMart (my visits have gotten so frequent the greeters know me), I noticed a wall display of deodorants with catchy names and packaging.  Names like "Matterhorn, Game Day, Arctic Force, and even Denali".  Finally, a deodorant with a name and scent manly enough for a rugged outdoors man such as myself. Upon closer inspection I was surprised to discover that the brand was none other than Old Spice.  And to my furthur delight they also have an entire line of body sprays and washes (haven't you heard, soap is passe).  Needless to say I left WalMart that day with enough man product to outfit my home, my log cabin, my office, my gym bag, and my travel toiletry kit for a years worth of macho activities.  Next time you see me there will be a certain virile aura to my presence.  "Have you recently climbed a pure arctic glacier or returned from some pristine mountain meadow?" you will ask me.
"No, I just smell like one".