No one lives here, it's the model

The following account contains totally fictional dialogue. The entire episode may in fact be a figment of my imagination. Any harm or judgemental implications are solely the result of an ill- fated attempt at humor. Some of the prose in the bloggers opinion, however, was deemed too clever to pass up. One minor note: The bear hook does actually exist.


I was in a furniture store the other day and I walked over to check out the awesome looking stereo amplifier that was on display in the entertainment center they were selling. You know what happened next.....I leaned in real close and wha?? It was of course cardboard. Same with the books on the bookshelves and the microwave on the cart. Phone? Cardboard. Television? Cardboard. Husband? Cardboard. Tammy will love this! If it was up to my wife only the cat would actually inhabit the house. Everything else would be perfectly placed and never used.

The most recent onset of this conflict between pretense and pragmatism was over the newly acquired coat hook in our foyer. We had been searching for the perfect decorative hook for ( I mistakenly assumed) the convenient hanging of our wet and dirty coats. Up until now I have always had to hang my coats in the closet which involves many extra, unnecessary steps such as opening the closet door and taking out a hanger. Men hate unnecessary steps due to the fact that they are unnecessary. If we could eat with a spoon out of the pot we would. It's also why we leave our dirty clothes on the floor. Laundry basket? A totally redundant step.

So we get this wrought iron decorative piece that has a bear and four hooks. Perfect for the cabin, perfect for me (it has a bear and four hooks), and perfect for Tammy (it's decorative).
I get it hung, perfectly centered and perfectly level, with a minimum of excess holes in the sheet rock. Two hours later I am relaxing by the fire and Tammy asks "Is this coat going to hang here all day?"
"Hang where?" I innocently query back.
"On the coat hook."
"It is a coat hook."
"That's not the point. I don't want to have to look at a coat every time I walk in the house."
"Why? It might remind you that we actually live here?"
"We are having company."
"And they would be offended by the fact that we wear coats? Are they nudists?"
"Oh, and please don't leave the newspaper laying around either."
"Of course not. I wouldn't want to make our illiterate nudist guests feel awkward. And you're right, why should it appear that people actually live in the house?"