If Only I was 5" 11" instead of 5" 7"

I was recently accused of living in "what if" world. This is much different than "only if" world. In "only if" world I went out for varsity track. I was nice instead of sarcastic to girls in high school and I dated a lot. I invested in Microsoft instead of Betamax. "If only" is a thought of regret.
The person who lives in "only if" world is a positive negative thinker. If only I would have done this instead of that, things would be great.

I, on the other hand, am a negative negative thinker, as in "oh my god, what if the fire had spread to the entire house instead of being confined to the microwave?" In my thought process, no disaster is so small that it does not have the potential to become a cataclysmic event. The "what if" syndrome. No matter that disaster was averted. It is the potential event that infects my brain. In fact, the Butterfly Effect informs all my decision making algorithms. I am painfully aware that the choices we made as young adults haunt us throughout our entire lives. Even as a young person I was conscious that my decisions would affect the rest of my life. Some people seem to bounce from crisis to crisis and it is most definitely due to some previous decision. What if is not a thought of regret it is a thought of "I had better plan some more".

That is why I am a what iffer, not an only iffer. All we have control over is our own decisions. "Only if" is the thought of a dreamer. "What if" is the thought of a planner. The problem is when these thoughts become pathologic and they begin to paralyze you. I have come perilously close to this edge. Luckily the person standing next to me slapped my face. If only I had slapped them back..... Oh my god, what if I had slapped them back?