Relax

Any one who knows me is aware that I hate to be told to relax. I am hyper. Get over it.

A big misconception that people make is in believing that hyper people are not easy going or team players. They also assume being laid back and calm makes one agreeable. This could not be further from the truth. Do not confuse being calm with any thing other than being calm. And it has been my experience that many laid back people are stubborn, judgmental, and unwilling to quietly allow the other person to be hyper. I have always said that laid back people are so hyper about being laid back that they are actually more tightly wound than me. Think about it. If someone is so laid back why do they have to tell me to relax? Why does my behavior ruffle them? Isn't being tolerant a corollary of being laid back? I believe many people who we compliment as being laid back are really just calm in demeanor.

I would love to be calm. I am not. I would love to be tolerant. I am not. But in an exigency you can count on me to be a team player and willing to do what is necessary for the good of the group. When I was a dental resident there were other residents who appeared to be way more laid back than me. Yet when extra hands were needed on call duty they never would help out. They were calm at all times, but they certainly were not team players.

Many mountain guides and outdoor adventure types in general tend to appear as having laid back personalities.
Guides certainly are calm. They have to be if they are going to drag eight morons into the jaws of nature with danger lurking at every rock face. It has been my experience that though calm on the outside, they are very tightly wound. This is very understandable given the nature of their assignments. In a crisis you want a leader with an engaged attitude, not a chill out attitude. I have also observed that the most laid back clients in the group are usually not the team players. It is the hyper ones that get the group chores done.

Are laid back people necessarily easy going? No. They always expect you to behave like them. If not, you are accused of being a drag. Well dude, get off your ass and take a stand. In fact, I have noticed that many leaders in the NGO world seem very laid back. How can they get so much done and constantly be fighting for the common good if they are laid back? Easy; they aren't laid back, they are just calm. They absolutely cannot be easy going if they are going to remedy anything in this unjust world.

So you see, I consider being called laid back a cut, not a compliment. And if my being hyper bothers you, than you are most likely as high strung as me. Maybe it would be better to tell someone to calm down rather than to relax. It is always good to be calm in an an emergent situation, but it is rarely good to be relaxed.