Are You the Alpha Dog?

Every social and occupational niche has at its apex an alpha male. The guy that the other ninety-five percent of us look to for clues as to how we may be more successful in our endeavors. Because let's face it, most guys want to be the alpha male. Many beta males are just alpha males who lost the fight during rutting season. And at some point, after the realization sinks in that you are destined for a life of being one of the herd, you must convince yourself that you are content.

Many people who know me have suggested that I am an alpha male (I am not talking about the sexually successful aspect) because of my strong personality. I think they confuse being a type A with being an alpha male. This has always made me feel uncomfortable because I don't think of myself as an alpha male. But after a recent editorial I read by a top dog in the dental field I started to give the subject some serious thought: Who are the alpha males in any given social context and what do they have in common?

The opinion piece I referenced above had to do with the seemingly high burn out rate among dentists. The author is a highly successful dentist who happens to eat, breathe and sleep dentistry. I would venture to say it is his vocation and avocation. He was offering advice on what the other ninety percent of the dentists should do to achieve professional and personal satisfaction in their lives. The trouble is, he is not a psychologist. Nor did he reference any literature or studies to support his viewpoint on why there may be dissatisfaction in our profession. He was merely advising that we should just do what he does and we will be happy. "Be like me. If I can do it so can you". And that is what got me thinking. No, I cannot be like you. Nor do I want to be like you (maybe because I can't be like you). This particular person would have been at the top of his field no matter what he had chosen to do. Alpha males first and foremost are doers not thinkers.

This is the quality that allows them to be so successful and rise to the top. Alpha males are not self reflective. They harbor no doubts about their actions. That is a gift one is either born with or has had nurtured in them from birth. Of course this is a quality shared by highly unsuccessful people as well. But my point is all the other personality attributes we assign to alpha men are built upon this foundation. One cannot be charismatic if he is even a bit unsure about his message. Abashedness is never mentioned as a turn on by members of the opposite sex. Physical dominance is never attained by holding back due to some unperceived ethical dilemma. And macho men are certainly never navel gazers.

There is a difference between alpha males and type A personalities. Type A's can exhibit a lot of self doubt. And it may also be very likely that they over think a lot of things. In fact, as I write this I am coming to the conclusion that an alpha male does not even necessarily have to be type A. Here are the personality characteristics of type A's copied from Wikipedia (also seen on other sites);
Symptoms of Type A Behavior

1. Time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation.
2. Free floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents.
3. Competitiveness; this makes them oriented towards achievement which causes them to become stressed due to wanting to be the best at whatever it may be i.e. sports or in work.

I am most assuredly type A. Now if only I had bigger antlers.

Dear Son,

Scene: God sitting at his desk watching, through his office window, the money changers dishonor the beautiful temple built in his honor. "Oh man", he thinks. "I can't go down there again. How many times do I have to go over the same things? And every time I do intervene it seems like the trouble only gets worse. Maybe Jesus can go for me. He really is a great kid."

"Listen son, I screwed up. I told them they could have slaves and beat them, if they misbehaved, as long as they don't kill them. I might also have said some things about the wife being the man's property and she is to obey him without question. There was also this one time when I encouraged some guys to slay the Canaanites when they sassed me. So, uh, could you go down there and tell them, um, never mind. From now on tell them to turn the other cheek. Could you also tell them that if they chew a bit of your flesh and have a sip of your blood once a week it will calm them down a bit after a stressful week at work.
Oh, and here is some of this water from the spring around back of our house. I'm thinking if you sprinkle it on them while they promise fidelity to me they can come live with us indefinitely. Maybe that will make them behave better. I originally told them not to eat pork or cheeseburgers but that didn't seem to help. In spite of me giving them a strict diet to follow they still acted all ADHD on me. I'm kind of embarrassed that it didn't work out like I originally planned so I figure they might listen to you.

One thing I should tell you though. You know how I sometimes get these feelings that I know something is going to happen? Well, I gotta warn you, some of them might get very annoyed with you and not believe that you are actually my son. Those pharisees kind of scare me (they are soooo stern) so you are on your own if you get crucified, figuratively and literally. Don't worry though. I'll find you and come bring you home even if they stash you deep in a cave somewhere. You know I will save your favorite chair right here next to mine.

Your uncle Gabriel is making the travel arrangements for you to get there. Apparently he knows this cute little ingenue in Nazareth named Mary who can give you a lift. I understand she has a friend also named Mary who might be available to show you around if you know what I mean. While you are down there Mary's husband Joseph will make sure you get a nice room and decent meals as well.
I really appreciate you doing this for me. I don't want to show my face down there anymore, what with all the mayhem I might have caused. I should have known better than to let that shrew Eve hang out with my best bud, Adam. I caught them naked and stealing fruit from my orchard so I had to punish them. What choice did I have? And then there was this incident with the flood. Hoo boy! I went south to visit my brother Lucifer (his house is much hotter than mine most of the year) and my water pipe burst. Those poor schnooks down there got soaked for more than a month. Bless their little hearts though. They saved all the pets I had given them and after things dried out it was business as usual. They still love me but needless to say, I was mortified.

You know when someone is really clingy and they worship you too much? That's how I was getting to feel. I might have bullied some people down there just to tease them. See how far I could push them. This one dude, Job, oh man, poor schmuck, I pushed him so hard and yet he would have rather died than dishonor me. I feel so mean and small after doing that to him. How could I ever go down there again and face them in person? It's really special son that you would do this for me. Oh, one more thing before you go. There are going to be a lot of people who will never ever accept that you are speaking for me. You are going to need to take a hard line with them. You have my permission to threaten them with eternal damnation at your Uncle Lucifer's house. I never told you this but he really, really pissed me off one day and I turned up his thermostat to 211 degrees F and then broke the switch so he can never turn it down. He has been in a foul mood ever since. Anyways, tell those heretics down there that one day I will get my act together and show up to stir things up quite a bit. And if they haven't gotten on board with you, I will personally escort them right to Lucifer's front door. It will not be fun.

Oh, and the Egyptians. They will never, ever forgive me. I might have given them mixed signals over this whole Moses debacle. I don't know why they thought it was going to be the first born of Abraham's tribe that was going to die. After I got wind of this mix-up I instructed the Hebrews to paint a red mark on their doors so my angels of death squad (I just call them that. They really are very nice) wouldn't get confused. Of course it was the Paraoh's kids who got punished. What a mess. I tried to distract them with hail storms, locusts, and blood soaked rivers so they would forget about it but no such luck. I am getting another one of those feelings that after you are done down there your cousin Muhammad is going to show up and try to convince all those Middle Easterners that they are really my favorites. They tend to be a bit brown nosey. It's "God willing this" and "God willing that". Talk about needy.

Mmmm. You know that might be a good time for me to show up and save the day for all those folks who really had faith in you. I can see the headlines; God Saves the Day as Promised!! We'll throw a big party for all our friends at our house and to Hell with everyone else".

I believe

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, my cabin is not located in a remote corner of the Catskill Mountains. It exists in very close proximity to several neighboring abodes. As in the more traditional suburbs, it is imperative (well at least beneficial) to get along with your neighbors. To that end, one of the first things my new friend and neighbor across the road said to me is we should never discuss politics or religion. As a general rule of thumb I would venture to say most people would agree with this advice. It has been my experience, however, that most people love talking about their views on religion and faith based matters (I will ignore politics for now as opposing positions to mine may indeed be untenable).

I am certainly no scholar on the subject but I have always been fascinated by man's need for faith in something other than himself. And no matter what one believes, I have always granted that the universe would indeed seem a lonely place if we were but an accident. So it was with intellectual enthusiasm that I looked forward to reading "The Future of Faith" by a Harvard professor of comparative religions, Harvey Cox. The book was given to me by my father in law when I let it be known that even a doubting Thomas (a wink to a certain controversial Gospel) has a stake in the internecine conflicts of the world's great religions.

The ideas put forth by the author are not backed up by a plethora of hard statistical data but rather are more like insights after 50 years of studying and observing the world's theological and mystical traditions. It is as much about Mr Cox's personal journey as it is about the world's spiritual journey. And as such, I could fully relate to it as could any person who has ever said I am really more spiritual than religious. He verifies what many people have already come to feel in their hearts. As someone who has always existed outside the realm of organized religion, his insights are not so revelatory to me, but his ideas are put forth in such a way that any person of faith can rally around them. And in fact, one of his major postulates is that we are all people of faith, even atheists. It is this fundamental belief that has allowed me to coexist with one of the most spiritual persons I know, my wife Tammy. Confusing the difference between faith and belief is what causes all the turmoil.

And it is in this context that I have put forth all my ideas in this forum. The blurb "About Me" in my blog even alludes to this concept. Beliefs are nothing if they cannot be backed up by facts, but faith is an enduring, universal emotion that allows us to wake up every day in spite of sometimes insurmountable obstacles. I recommend this book to atheists and theists alike because even the most cynical among us cannot deny the mystery of life.

I can't get over high school... redux

I have noticed there have not been as many comments on my posts lately. There was one nice comment from a guest reader all the way in Saudi Arabia so at least I can pretend that my thoughts have a worldwide audience. Tammy has also opined that my entries are becoming angry in tone. That is not my intent. My main objective, as always, is to be funny and ironic. It is just that the hornets nest (see blog of March 16,2010) is being poked quite frequently these days by the socially conservative crowd in America. I also must admit that the hornets nest metaphor is not entirely original. I read an article a few years ago explaining why suddenly there was a proliferation of books being written about atheism. It was the writers opinion that it was due to the fact that the university based liberal intellectual set was being "poked" a lot lately by the religious right and they had to come down out of their ivory towers to defend their views. I agree.

Anyway, on to the subject of today's post in which I am soliciting opinions on a subject I have ranted about for years. It is a concept I am so passionate about that my staff gave me a Build-a-Bear for Christmas one year which represented my views on the subject. More about that later.

Here is the point on which I am very interested in hearing your views(as usual, it concerns behavior patterns learned in high school):
Why is it accepted, even encouraged, to brag about success in sports by proudly displaying ones achievements on jackets and sweatshirts (e.g. NJ State Champs, NY Eastern Division Finalists, varsity letters), and devoting entire walls to trophies and plaques but no one publicly flaunts academic and scholastic achievements? And if they do, they are roundly chastised. As a perfect case in point I offer those bumper stickers proclaiming "I have an honor student at such and such middle school" (it is never a high school). As soon as they started showing up, the jocks' parents (I assume) countered with bumper stickers that said "My student can beat up your honor student". Now that's mean.

Parents of academically successful children brag to their friends of course, but never in a publicly displayed fashion like with achievements in sports. I never was given a high school jacket emblazoned with the scholastic clubs I was a member of and I believe the same is true today. Athletic ability, intellectual ability. Some have one or the other, some have both, and some have neither. They are both equally important in a high school kids life. So why is it acceptable to publicly crow about athletics but not academics?

As for the lettered jacket I never got in high school? My wonderful staff gave me a Build-a-Bear wearing a jacket with embroidery that said Mathletes, Key Club, Debating Team, Merit Scholarship Finalist, etc. Of course they get paid to listen to me all day long. Bless them and feel for them.

Relax

Any one who knows me is aware that I hate to be told to relax. I am hyper. Get over it.

A big misconception that people make is in believing that hyper people are not easy going or team players. They also assume being laid back and calm makes one agreeable. This could not be further from the truth. Do not confuse being calm with any thing other than being calm. And it has been my experience that many laid back people are stubborn, judgmental, and unwilling to quietly allow the other person to be hyper. I have always said that laid back people are so hyper about being laid back that they are actually more tightly wound than me. Think about it. If someone is so laid back why do they have to tell me to relax? Why does my behavior ruffle them? Isn't being tolerant a corollary of being laid back? I believe many people who we compliment as being laid back are really just calm in demeanor.

I would love to be calm. I am not. I would love to be tolerant. I am not. But in an exigency you can count on me to be a team player and willing to do what is necessary for the good of the group. When I was a dental resident there were other residents who appeared to be way more laid back than me. Yet when extra hands were needed on call duty they never would help out. They were calm at all times, but they certainly were not team players.

Many mountain guides and outdoor adventure types in general tend to appear as having laid back personalities.
Guides certainly are calm. They have to be if they are going to drag eight morons into the jaws of nature with danger lurking at every rock face. It has been my experience that though calm on the outside, they are very tightly wound. This is very understandable given the nature of their assignments. In a crisis you want a leader with an engaged attitude, not a chill out attitude. I have also observed that the most laid back clients in the group are usually not the team players. It is the hyper ones that get the group chores done.

Are laid back people necessarily easy going? No. They always expect you to behave like them. If not, you are accused of being a drag. Well dude, get off your ass and take a stand. In fact, I have noticed that many leaders in the NGO world seem very laid back. How can they get so much done and constantly be fighting for the common good if they are laid back? Easy; they aren't laid back, they are just calm. They absolutely cannot be easy going if they are going to remedy anything in this unjust world.

So you see, I consider being called laid back a cut, not a compliment. And if my being hyper bothers you, than you are most likely as high strung as me. Maybe it would be better to tell someone to calm down rather than to relax. It is always good to be calm in an an emergent situation, but it is rarely good to be relaxed.

To thine self be true

Upon first seeing my cabin, many people are surprised by its proximity to the road. Even proximity is too kind a word. It is basically on the road, like old stage coach inns you sometimes pass on county routes. They were built on the road for many reasons, convenient accessibility being chief among them.
And so it is with my abode. I was never interested in owning ten acres of land half a mile down a dirt drive. Too remote. If I want remote I'll put on a backpack and hoof it in. Convenient access in winter as well as in summer is my primary concern. Country living for a city boy is how I think of my cabin in paradise.

I like to know that if I unexpectedly run out of eggs or bread, I can conveniently run to the store. I am not one for making monthly shopping trips into town for my stock of provisions, a haircut and a bath. Plus I love to shop. There I said it. For some reason men always say they hate to shop. No they don't. Men love to buy stuff. They hate to go shopping with their wives is what they really mean. Men seem to think that other men will look down on them if they admit to enjoy shopping for stuff. It's just that the stuff we shop for is different than the stuff women shop for. We buy tools, electronics, sporting and camping gear (including clothing), gas powered lawn equipment, and beer. Women buy clothes, decorative items, jewelry, and interesting ingredients for appetizers.

A husband and wife will be shopping in Target in the drug and sundries section. Suddenly the man will see an end cap display of new and improved Coleman coolers on sale. He wanders over and stands in front of the display thinking that, yes, my cooler doesn't keep the ice frozen long enough. I need the new model with the 15% higher insulation rating. He picks one up and attempts to place it in the cart.
"What's that?" the wife barks. "We do not need another cooler".
"Yes we do" he sheepishly argues back. "For the Labor Day picnic we are having this year. The beer was warm by the end of the day at last years barbecue" (it most likely was not-author).
I have actually witnessed this, and many other similar scenes. Mostly because I am very often in Target shopping.

My point is that people, especially men, are always deluding themselves. In fact, when I think back to most of my blog posts, the common theme is "why do people always delude themselves?" We are conditioned to believe we are something we are not.
"I want a log cabin in the middle of the woods no where near anything."
No you don't, because it's boring, it's a lot of work, and you like to buy stuff.
I guess it would be way too unsettling to actually know ourselves. Natural selection is not kind to self doubters. I have never seen a lion hesitate for even a microsecond before she (yes, the lioness is the hunter in the family) sinks her teeth into the neck of the zebra.

But let us try to rise above our biology. Evolution (or the Intelligent Designer) has given us the gift of reason. Use it to know yourself and you will be more tolerant of others. It hasn't worked for me but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

Yes Virginia, there is an Uncle Sam

I bought an American flag on my way up to the cabin this weekend. I could not wait to display it for the Fourth of July Celebration. There is a campground at the end of my road and I wanted all the campers to pass it on their way in and out of town. I knew it would make them feel good.

You see, a pro choice, first amendment loving, liberal democrat can love the flag and America as much as a second amendment worshipping, gun toting, pro life, God fearing right winger. In fact, I have always flown the flag on national holidays at my home in Woodbury. And on Veteran's Day I have also made it a point to call my Dad and thank him for saving us from speaking German. If I sound self righteous it is because I am sick of right wing ideologues corrupting the nature of civil liberties and what it means to be a patriot.

One of their favorite tactics (as I have previously written) is to demean intellectual "elitists". They feel the United States should be run by "one of us", whatever that means. The likes of George Bush and Sarah Palin I guess. Never mind the fact that the Bushes are patrician blue bloods. And Sarah, of course, is anti smarts. They are also constantly invoking the memory of the founding fathers' original intents. Well, I have some startling news for you. My theory of life being just like high school is once again born out in this ideological conflict. You see, the founding fathers were also composed of men from both the city born "intellectual elites" and the rural born "unschooled farmer class". They fought about the ideals for which America will stand. Jefferson (himself, ironically, a well bred bookworm) fought for a decentralized nation of yeoman farmers, while men like Alexander Hamilton were for a more centralized government (the Federalists).

It is the same fight today, a strong federal government vs. states rights and local control. So, for guys like Rush Limbaugh to think they have a lock on the meaning of America is to ignore the most basic eleventh grade history lessons. It is like Ben Franklin said 225 years ago when asked what form our government will take, a monarchy or a republic; "A republic", he responded, "if they can keep it".

More than tomayto, tomahto

Unfortunately the misuse of words is usually more serious than just a pronunciation error. The casual abuse of scientific jargon especially does not sit well with me. I resent it when a lay person misapplies a word and then pooh poohs me when I correct them. I can site many examples right here in this blog.

One of the more egregious incidents involved the very serious error of not understanding the impact of carbon atom counts as it relates to common household appliances. My cigar smoking friend and I were discussing the fact that cigars traditionally were never lit with the old Zippo lighters because the fuel burned dirty; only wooden matches were used. But now he uses his propane lighter because it has a clean flame. I never heard of a propane lighter I stated.
He looked at me like I was from Mars. "You know, the ones refillable from a skinny can of propane."
"Oh, you mean butane", I corrected him.
"Propane, butane, same thing".
"No they are not the same thing" I indignantly countered back. "Propane has three carbon atoms and butane has four".
To this day I don't think he knows what I was talking about yet I am sure he feels I am the buffoon.

Another recent insult to my sensibilities involved the ecological sciences through a misunderstanding of the biological sciences. It is a well established phenomenon that there has been a world wide decline in the population and an increase in teratomatous anomalies of amphibians due to environmental toxins such as BPA. My acquaintance (another one) seemed to feel that snakes are particularly sensitive to this since they slither on their stomachs along the ground and are thus very "attuned to changes in mother earth". They would therefore be the first affected.
"I think it is really amphibians, not reptiles, that would be a more sensitive indicator of the health of an ecosystem. They have a more permeable integument and they also lay their eggs in the water, not on land, so water pollution affects them more", I gently explained. Just because snakes don't have legs doesn't make them more attuned to anything except their own creep factor. A cursory knowledge of eighth grade taxonomy might have spared her my lecture on the difference between amphibians and reptiles.
Sometimes I wonder why she doesn't call me any more.

And of course there is the daily assault on my composure when patients try to explain the location of the crack in their tooth. For this, though, they can be forgiven.
"It's on the top of the tooth", the patient will say thinking they are being quite helpful.
"What's the top?" I unfacetiously ask back. I truly do not know if they mean the biting surface or toward the gum. If it is an upper tooth they always mean the part of the tooth toward the palate as the top. But think about it; the root of the tooth is the portion in the palate and this is above the biting table of the tooth. We usually think of roots as being below tables so to speak. So on an upper tooth the bottom of the tooth is above the top of the tooth.

So you can see why I value precision in language. Using the correct word will avoid many misunderstandings and it most certainly will avoid a lecture by me.