Dentist Kills Wife and Other Assorted Topics

 

I need to clean out all the notes about potential blog topics I have strewn about the cabin.  I know I make it seem easy, but it is very difficult to get an entire blog post out of a single punchline.  So I will attempt to write an entertaining stream of consciousness post out of random topics.




Number one: Dentist Kills Wife.
Have you ever noticed that when a dentist kills their spouse the killers profession is always mentioned in the headline?  If a plumber killed his wife the headline would read "Man Kills Wife".  Then five paragraphs down the reporter would finally get to the killers profession.  As in "The local plumber faces a life sentence if convicted".  But if a dentist kills his spouse it needs to be stated at the outset.  You might not be aware of this but murder is a criteria for immediate loss of a dental license in the state of New Jersey.  I question the validity of this policy because I don't understand how killing your spouse means you are not competent at doing root canals.  Perhaps this is a perfect example of the regulatory over-reach that Chris Christy is trying to abolish.  I wish him good luck. 

Number two: High School.
Perhaps it is just me but why do we spend the last sixty or seventy years of our lives making up for the first eighteen years?  I am not pointing fingers and if you recognize yourself it is strictly coincidental.  But I have noticed that the sibling who, while growing up, gave the parents the most amount of grief is the one to do the most amount of sucking up later in life.  As in inviting the grandparents to attend even the most minor grandchild milestone.  Like kindergarten graduation.  Or the grand kids second grade violin concert where Mary Had a Little Lamb is the featured song.
And this might seem extremely pathetic but every time I make it to the top of a mountain I wish Mr Bigelow, my high school gym teacher, was there to witness the achievement because I could never even get to the top of the ropes in gym class.  It was assumed I would one day become a successful professional but my athletic achievements in adulthood are what fill me with the most pride.

Number three: Stop the world, I want to get off.
Let me summarize every self help book for you.  I will save you countless dollars and years of fruitless therapy;  The world is not going to change so you have to.  The issue is not that people are putzes.  They are.  The problem is how you react to them.  So say all the books in the self help section.  These books would have you believe that you are capable of change.  This is a very silly notion.  I outright reject this proposition.  I certainly am not going to change so the world will have to.  Instead of lecturing me about mindful breathing, flow, drawing on the right side of the brain, change your thoughts change your life, and my erroneous zones, why don't they do something about the aggravating behaviors of the people who actually do need to change.  For example those inconsiderate drivers who aren't passing any cars while hogging the passing lane.  I wouldn't have road rage in the first place if the other nitwits knew how to drive on the New Jersey Turnpike. The Declaration of Independence didn't mention driving slow in the fast lane as being one of the natural rights of man.

Number four:  Man vs nature.
Why do Republicans like jet skis, ATV's, motor boats, off roading, snowmobiles, hunting, and hamburgers while Democrats like kayaks, mountain bikes, sailing, hiking, cross country skiing, nature photography, and veggie burgers?  I don't know. Perhaps for the same reason Republicans believe they are getting screwed by welfare queens and Democrats believe they are being screwed by Wall Street kings. It's the difference between sharing and subjugating.

Number five: Man vs mountains.
The hike from my cabin in Woodland Valley to Winasook Lake is approximately 7 miles.  The drive from my cabin in Woodland Valley to Winasook Lake is approximately 25 miles.  If it weren't for the mountains, we would be close to everything.  And were it not for the Appalachians and the Rockies, Manifest Destiny would not have been so triumphant a goal.  Glory resides in the mountains, not the plains.

Number six: Not every idea is a winner.
Procrastination is the best purgative.  What seemed important two months ago is not so much today.  And I feel way better.