There Will Be a $100.00 Fine for Unwarranted Use of This Stall

Yes, I use the handicapped stall in a public restroom.  A handicapped stall is not regulated like a handicapped parking spot at the mall.  People don't walk around malls and airports with blue handicapped placards hanging around their necks, so how can a cop prove I don't need a high seat and perhaps a grab bar to get myself up?  Besides, many males over the age of fifty could be considered disabled if urinary urgency or irritable bowel syndrome got any respect from the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Another appealing aspect of the handi-stall is its large size and prime corner real estate. So the worst case scenario is that there is only one other guy farting next to you.  It's like the corner office on the 56th floor of a skyscraper, but without the view.  Unless you consider peaking through the crack in the door a view.

But having justified my use of this exclusive stall, I was still embarrassed by what happened to me at the tiny Jackson Hole airport the other day.  Not being in a rush to catch my flight, I lingered while on the handi-throne and caught up on my e-mail via my smart phone.  When I finally did get up to leave there was a guy in a wheelchair waiting to get into the stall.  And boy was he giving me the evil eye.  So as I passed him I muttered something about how irritated my thigh was from my prosthetic leg and thank goodness for the extra room in the handicapped stall for some privacy while I adjusted it.  He replied "Right on, dude".

I am pretty certain Hell for me will be spending all of eternity on a porta-pot that has not had routine maintenance since Adam ate the apple.