Al dente or mushy, you decide.

Now that my blog has gone viral, well not so much viral as low grade febrile, I would like to conduct a reader preference survey. This readers' choice opinion poll will be about style not substance.
I will present two posts about the same affront. One will be in the author's usual pejorative voice and the other will be written in a more gracious tone. You, the reader, shall decide which is the more enlightening (we need no survey to understand which is the more entertaining) point of view. During the voting phase, try to pretend you don't actually know me........

A} Why do men who fancy themselves good cooks have to tell the entire world what great cooks they are? Their wives are equally complicit in this game of self-aggrandizement. "Oh, Jim is such a great cook. His truffle and black japonica stuffed wild goose with mango chutney is to die for". Granted, men brag about their wives being great in the kitchen, but in a utilitarian sort of way. Men talk about their exploits in the kitchen like they brag about their golf game (an equally annoying habit). Like golf, their cooking is just a past time. A hobby. A stress reliever. Like stamp collecting. But for some reason philatelists don't somehow manage to mention the great stamp they just scored on e-bay into their conversation upon first meeting you. Nor can I recall any male gardeners who tell me how big their zucchinis are within two minutes of meeting me. I have, though, met plenty of amateur chefs who, during our initial handshake, invite me over to their house to try their raspberry coulis basted beef loin with sweet potato bouchees. And their usual oenopihlic enthusiasm only adds to the annoyance. I should also mention that there is also some improbable story about how the ingredients were obtained. It invariably involves a trip to a sketchy secretive basement butcher shop, in the worst section of town, where our intrepid chef scored the last piece of Argentinian grass fed beef available on the entire east coast.

Do they think it is so unusual for a man to cook? The world's greatest chefs have traditionally been men. It is indeed a very technically demanding discipline. It appeals to the left brained nature of men, not unlike rebuilding car engines. But I guess that is a de rigueur hobby so who cares. I will concede that men, in general, do always seem to have this need to share their vital experiences with the world. Men are raised in a culture of one upmanship. It is the physiology of testosterone. Maybe that is why bragging about being a good cook is so annoying. I think it is intended to show what an enlightened, modern man one is. "See, I am as at home in the kitchen as I am out in the garage. Now pass me the motor oil, I mean olive oil"........



B} I recently had the opportunity to meet some new friends at a dinner party for one of my wife's co-workers. All the women knew each other but none of the husbands had met. The hostess's husband was a very charming fellow and interestingly enough he prepared the entire meal! Upon first entering their lovely home I commented on the delicious aromas wafting from the kitchen. "That's Jim!", my delighted hostess proclaimed. "He loves to cook and has not left the kitchen since he arrived home from work today. After a long day of doing brain surgery in the OR, he loves nothing more than to share his cooking and knowledge of wine with our friends".
Just then, as if the entire event had been choreographed by George Balanchine, our host came out to greet us and said "I can't wait till you see the wine I have chosen to accompany my duck a l'orange!" My mouth was already watering.

Our host did not disappoint. The evening was a cornucopia of epicurean pleasures. Rapturing conversation about Jim's culinary escapades and more essentially, a palette of comestible pleasures was laid out before us. To make the meal even more appealing, our host informed us that all the food including the duck, was purchased from the local CSA. "Isn't it just so much more satisfying to know you are supporting the local artisanal food purveyors?" "Yes!" we all chimed in at once.

Our bellies full, and outlook bright, we said our goodbyes. "He really inspired me", I confided to Tammy that night as we lay in bed. "First thing tomorrow morning I am going to wake up and cook you a huge breakfast of poached eggs, wild boysenberry whole wheat pancakes, and fresh squeezed Valencia orange juice, and I can't wait for you to tell the whole world about it!".....

Remember, vote early and vote anonymously.