Arsenic and Old Lace

An alarming trend in the world of wedding fashion has come to my attention.  It is not a recent revelation, but the idea to write a blog about it is..........a recent revelation.

The revelation is, ironically, about what the bridal party is revealing. Skin.  And the associated tattoos.  And I, for one, am not comfortable with the message I am receiving about the bride.  No one has ever accused me of being a prude, and I was nothing but pleased when President Obama officially dismissed the federal level stigma of same sex marriage.  So don't accuse me of being Victorian in my views of proper matrimonial attire.  But the promise of my own bride's wedding dress was the idea that I was marrying a demure virgin.  And her attendants, while all quite cute, were more "matron" than "maid".   At least that was the illusion we wished to create for our guests.  My bride to be had on so much lace, tatting. filigree, netting, and ornamentation that I would need to be Harry Houdini in the honeymoon sweet if I was ever to get her out of that dress and into my hungry arms.
 

Today's bridal parties, I must assume, don't even like to pretend they are virgins.  Their dresses might as well come with one of those "easy open" pull tabs like on an express FedEx package.   Because with all that exposed skin, the package is already screaming "Urgent, open immediately".  Here is a photo of a wedding party we saw on the beach in Atlantic City this past weekend:

The groomsmen are not thinking about getting their hands on some red velvet wedding cake.  Nor are they worrying about being paired up with a dorky cousin bridesmaid for the first dance.  They are only thinking one thing-that the bachelor party was just an appetizer.  And this has nothing to do with the fact that the wedding is in Atlantic City.  I have seen bridal parties adorned in skimpy cocktail dresses from New York to Utah.  Of course in some cultures the bride is still valued more for the number of goats she can fetch for her dowry than for how hot she can look in her dress.  Another reason, I guess, for the Taliban to hate us.  At least when a mullah gets married there is still some mystery involved.

The most cursory perusal of any bridal magazine will leave one wondering if there is any modesty left in the connubial world.  It may seem like I am being prissy but, really, should Modern Bride Magazine titillate me as much as Cosmopolitan?  I don't think so.