
But no, Verizon's artificial intelligence system is not quite ready for a Star Trek like experience. There is no proactive command function available to the hapless customer who just wants his Fios voice mail to not cut off his Mom in mid message. Apparently, the rocket scientists over at the Verizon R and D department have been instructed to program the voice recognition tech support hotline to weed out the morons who have simply forgotten their voice mail phone number, lost their 4 digit pin code, are not sure how to leave a message prompt, still have a rotary phone, or have no idea what voice mail even means. So rather than simply having me state my problem I had to suffer through this cross examination:
"Do you have a dial tone?"
"Yes"
"Sorry, I didn't get that."
"YES!!"
"Okay, have you forgotten the number to retrieve your voice messages?"
"NO"
"Have you forgotten your pin code?"
"NO"
"Would you like your current balance?"
"Not really."
"How about how many text message units you have left?"
"Seriously?"
"Would you like to hear about special offers Verizon has for our special customers like you?"
"I thought this was tech support."
"A simple yes or no will do."
"NO."
"No, you don't want to hear our special offers or no, a simple yes or no won't do?"
"No. No. No. No. No."
"Okay then. Congratulations. We have determined that you have an actual problem. Please hold for the next available technician." CLICK.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!"