As if you don't have enough problems of your own you have unfortunately chosen to read about mine here in this blog. As promised in the last of my rarefied posts the results of my Nutrition Response Test are in. I need to swear off wheat, wheat gluten, white rice, corn, soy, oats, spelt, caffeine in all it's manifestations, alcohol in all of it's manifestations, and dairy (organic and otherwise). I also should stop drilling toxic mercury fillings out of peoples' teeth, stop over-exercising, and stop swallowing my food after two chews. Also, my adrenal glands are fatigued from my high flying lifestyle, my liver is struggling due to overexposure to toxic metals (hazard of being a dentist) and my pancreas is stressed from my "white sugar in the form of cookies" habit.
In place of the convenient lifestyle I have come to recognize and love I must; always have a protein with my carbohydrates, eat only whole grain carbos sold by the Birkenstock wearing owners of farms in Vermont where Buckwheat is actually a grain not the African-American Little Rascal, eat seeds, nuts and legumes in such quantities that I may in fact develop diverticulosis, choke down fistfuls of dark green leafy vegetables that are in no way related to light green iceburg lettuce, snack on home made "granola bars" that make Civil War era Hard Tack seem like a toothsome delicacy, and I am not quite sure what I can have for breakfast besides eggs since Frosted Flakes and frozen waffles are out.I exaggerate of course. I do know what I can have for breakfast, but the rest is true. The real irony here is that I didn't need to pay $165.00 to an alternative medical practitioner to tell me how to eat right. I learned that after reading the $14.95 tome "Omnivores Dilemma" by Michael Pollan. That and the free advice given to me by my dogmatic nephew. Dogmatic might be too harsh a word because in all honesty he doesn't give a crap whether you follow his advice or not. He, like the other male members of my family, just enjoys the art of the argument. In any case, there is one additional facet that my new doctor brought to the table and that is the dispensing of supplements that I am quite hopeful will lead my internal organs to a place of harmony and balance.
You see, it is not good enough to just start healthful eating. One must cleanse the bad karma left behind by Wonder Bread. To that end I am now swallowing four veterinary sized pills three times a day in hopes of giving my liver a clean start. In all fairness I must confess that one of the pills is an herbal supplement to calm my nerves. That was really the chief complaint that started me down this road. Irritability. But as my sister said to me "What, worse than the past 30 years??" The only problem I have now is that I am totally stressed out over my new diet. Any calming effect the St Johnswort may have is negated by my fear of improperly balancing the carbs and proteins at my 3:30 pm snacky time. It may turn out after all that the Oreo cookies do, in fact, love me back with their non-demanding attitude.
If I seem like I don't care whether you follow my advice or not, remember that I only even attempt to spew my dogma to two sets of people -- those who pay me and those who I care about. However, if I become attached to whether my advice is actually followed, I would never sleep at night. I assume you don't lose sleep wondering whether your patients are flossing frequently enough. You just give the best advice in the way you feel will be most effective -- and that's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteGlad that you enjoyed the Banana Quinoa Buckwheat Pancakes with Cinnamon Agave Drizzle I made after describing them as "creepy" looking.
ReplyDeleteDespite the lack of empirical evidence, it seems that Phase I has improved your gastrointestinal distress in less than a week.
Being inspired to "buy locally" since the cabin is in the Hudson Valley where local farms produce wonderful maple syrup, eggs from "happy chickens," natural bread, soaps and cheeses, etc., it was very difficult this weekend to shop in Philadelphia for things on the "new diet."
ReplyDeleteI bought raw organic cacao nibs. "Discover this precious gift from nature originating from the depths of the Amazon Rainforest. For centuries, playful monkeys and arboreal kinkajous have enjoyed the cacao fruit's slighly sweet and refreshing pulp. These small mammals ingest the fruite and toss the seeds as willing participants in nature's way of disseminating cacao growth throughout Latin America for all future civilizations." (Package description).
But, these cacao nibs are a product of Peru. While these nibs might be healthful for us, were they healtful for the planet? My first professional job was in Lancaster County in a town next to Hershey, PA. Shouldn't I buy locally manufactured chocolate?
My guilt was mitigated by reading the ingredients on Toll House morsels: Sugar, Partially Hygrogenated Palm Kernel and Palm Oils, Nonfat Milk, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Soy Lecithin, Artificial Colors, Butter.
So, I'll enjoy the whole foods that are transported across continents and forgot about the carbon footprint that we left as we travelled 3 1/2 hrs. to buy locally grown Hudson Valley foods.