How Heavy is Your Balloon?

My thoughts for today originate in Philadelphia PA, not Phoenicia NY.  The concept, though, is universal and it crosses all cultural divides from the most technologically advanced civilizations to aboriginal tribes.  It involves understanding our parents.  I once read that in order to accept our parents as flawed individuals we must be able to think of them as people. This may seem like an obvious concept but because of our deep emotional bias  it can be very difficult to accept that they are simply imperfect human beings who, for the most part, try their best.

It can be safely assumed that a lot of health care dollars are spent on therapy in trying to figure out why our parents screwed us up so badly.  Parents are constantly being blamed for all our short comings.  Dad never took me to ball games, when my Dad wasn't at work working he was at home working, my mother smoked when she was pregnant with me (okay, that is clearly your mother's fault), we only went out to eat once a year, I had to use a hockey helmet because my parents wouldn't buy me a bicycle helmet, and blah blah blah.

Okay, fine, maybe your parents actually did screw you up but it is too late to do anything about it.  The one thing you can do is move on and accept them.  Blaming them is not going to get you anywhere except into therapy or a rehab "resort".  And here is the very easy way for you to have a little understanding;  Your Mom is just some chick your Dad married.  And your Dad is just some dude your Mom fell in love with. And just like you, your kids are going to blame you for screwing them up.  Our parents are just people like everyone else in the world and who in the world is perfect?  No one.  So do yourself a favor and don't blame them for your lack of self-satisfaction.  Put it in a balloon and cut the string.  It will save about $150/hr in therapy fees.

One thing that I always found upsetting was when my parents would argue over old grievances in my presence.  But once I realized they were just a couple, like myself and Tammy, separate from me as their child, I gained a certain measure of peace toward their relationship.  Now when they argue in front of me, I just think "Gee, that's a shame".  Or when I think back to how we would take long road trips, my parents smoking all the while in the car, I don't get angry.  I just calmly make an appointment to find out why I am coughing up blood. 

So try it.  Think of your parents as two people separate from  their capacity as your parents.  It will help to clarify their behavior and allow you to understand it in an unemotional and non-judgmental fashion.

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